57.

had one of the WORST fights w/the fi last night. it was so bad, that i cried for at least 2 hours. no joke. went to sleep last night with the biggest headache, and woke up, not being able to open my eyes. they were ridiculously puffy. won't go into detail about what exactly happened, but let's just say that when you get married, you're not only marrying the person you love. but rather, you're marrying that person's family and acquiring all the good things, and the not-so-good things as well.

i think what contributes to a long/successful marriage, is when the couple is both committed to working things out. some of you might be thinking, "duh." but seriously, when you're in the midst of yelling and saying mean things, working things out is the last thing on your mind. to be honest, i was so frustrated and annoyed, that i didn't want to work it out. at that moment, i was content being a major b. but then once the emotions subsided, i was able to pull myself together and focus on what mattered to me.

last night's fight actually had nothing to do with us. 99.9% of our arugments/fights are never really about us. it's about other people. i used to be the type to care a lot of what others say/think. it's something i still struggle with, and it's not a bad thing, but it is when it affects who i am and who we are. for example, my family had these expectations that weren't met by the fi's family. personally, it didn't really matter to me. but it got me all upset, because i knew my family would get hurt/upset over it. so then a HUGE yelling match ensued, which resulted in more yelling and mean words. yelling always = bad news.

for the first time, we went to sleep not resolving the issue. we managed to bring it down a notch to the cordial level, but didn't exchange "sorry's." when i talkd to d today, he said that it was the saddest he's ever been. i wasn't sad, but just frustrated. and after thinking about it all day today, i realized i need to grow up and not let my family dictate my life. it's just hard, because my parents are wise, and i don't want to disappoint them. but my friend mary once told me that even at age 50, she's afraid to disappoint her parents. so i guess i just need to man up and do what i know works for d and i, because at the end of the day, we know us the best.

i'm not even married yet, but learning a lot. and i personally welcome/embrace fights. but man, last nights fight was tiring. i literally slept all day. woke up and had bfast w/the parentals, then stayed in bed all day. i needed the sleep, because i'm off to sd for my bach party weeeeeekend! looking forward to spending some time w/my girls...

[via oh, hello friend]

my new motto.