change

been having the hardest time moving forward and starting this new chapter in my life. it's such an amazing time, and i am besides myself when thinking about my wedding day. but at the same time, feel guilty for being so excited about my new life. i feel as if i'm being ungrateful for the perfect life i led so far. it's that whole thing about a man/woman leaving their families to start a new family. and i guess i don't want to leave my family. but have to.

i rarely get excited about my wedding details, because i don't want my family to feel as if i can't wait to leave them. i also don't like talking about the wedding with the fam, because i guess i feel if i don't talk about it, it's not going to happen. basically trying to psych myself out. which is totally dumb. but hey, whatever gets me through the day.

for me, this has been the hardest part of getting married. i blame it on the fact that our family is so close. so close that friends have told me that it's abnormal. but i can't even imagine a family not operating the way we do. maybe it's weird that i enjoy hanging out with my parents, and sometimes even their friends (the FI totally thinks it's weird). or call me weird for calling my mom everyday after work, even though i'm going to see her in 10 minutes. the only sucky part about having this "weird" relationship w/my family is that it's getting difficult to imagine life any other way (totally tearing up right now). which in turn makes me feel guilty towards the FI.

it's a vicious guilty cycle.
and i hope it stops. very soon.

hope to be back later with a fun post....

[via yellowsongbird]